You owe $546,000. Please make your check payable to the Department of Treasury and hurry up so we can start the recovery process. The average four person family owes 546,000 to cover the current debt. If you have over four people in your family, please add 136,500 per person. If possible, please pay by 1 August 2009. If your living in California, please add 10% for shipping and handling. The only difference between the U.S. government and California is a printing press. California issues I.O.U.'s while the government prints dollar bills. If California was it's own country, it would be the 7th largest economy in the world. If you lucky enough to receive an I.O.U and live in California your probably asking yourself what could you do with an I.O.U? The two things you should do with an I.O.U. First, take the I.O.U and turn around and pay your taxes with it. Basically, sign it back over to them. The last thing to do with an I.O.U is to pay your mortgage with it. Let the banks deal with it. If you think California is the only state teetering on disaster, you might be wrong. 46 out of the 50 states are broke. This does not include school districts and local governments which are on the verge of disaster, but don't worry the unemployment rate won't get above 8%. Ummmm.....it's at 9.5%. I have an idea. Since the first stimulus didn't work, let's do another one. With Stimulus II, Cap and Trade, and the new health care recovery act, please add 500,000 per family to your 546,000 dollar bill.
Please no personal checks. You might have 1 Million sitting in you check book, but your bank might not. Hey did you check out the new Cap and Trade bill? We can now trade carbon emissions. Basically what this means is your authorized a certain amount of carbon emissions and if you have too many or not enough you can trade them. I told my family not to fart for a year, so I can trade them in and use my new smoker. I just love smoked brisket. I was hoping they would combine Cap and Trade with Stimulus II and the new health care act. I want the government to pay for gastric by-pass surgery for my whole family, so they can't eat or fart. This way I can build up significant carbon credits and set-up a ponzi scheme by selling them to my neighbors, but this plan seems risky. My kids have been sneaking food and plugging up my toilet, but I already have a back up plan for this. If I default on my carbon credit ponzi scheme,
I will seek a bailout under stimulus II. If you think this sounds completely stupid, go buy stupid insurance. GOLD AND SILVER!
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